melodicalchemy

I'm doing well enough for someone who hasn't been fortunate enough to have a therapist who is capable of genuinely empathizing. I'm almost 50 days sober. I did it all on my own and by choice. And I choose, every day, to keep on keeping on. Even though I can start using again, I remember how much I was suffering. I don't want to go back to that. I had to experience complete and utter loneliness. It took self-harm for me to realize that I can't keep doing this.   My takeaway is that no one will be there for you. People give up, unfortunately. But it's not their job to ensure your happiness and success. Maybe someday they'll return. Maybe they won't ever forgive you, and their image of you in their minds will never change positively again. Eventually people just stop talking to you. Life becomes a barren wasteland. And it will hurt. It will hurt so much, with no solution in sight, a hope dying like a star fated to becoming nothing but a black hole. Having a...

 Maximum effort. Taking it day by day

As you may or may not know, I suffer from bipolar disorder with psychotic features. Though this may not excuse my words or behavior, I just want my friends and family to understand more about this condition. My mood, thinking, and behavior are affected drastically. Psychosis is a persistent loss of contact with reality. It can lead to delusions (false beliefs), and nothing anyone can say can change these beliefs. In most cases, a person going through psychosis doesn't even know how strange they are being. It's frightening. Paranoia can cause one to be extremely suspicious, unable to trust not only other people, but even the human experience itself. For what can an individual do when their mind fails them and their reality is lightyears away from the day-to-day experience of a normal, healthy human? Every day, my mind is filled with thoughts that tell me I'd be better off dead. I remember all the times I made mistakes, and what I could have done instead. My thoughts are so r...

Today, I'm going to be meeting up with my friend Andy to get dinner at Red Rock Torrance. He's bringing a friend along who just recently moved to California. It's really funny how Andy and I met each other. We randomly got connected through Omegle, a site where you were able to meet with complete strangers and have a video conversation--at least until one person or the other disconnected. We both were active musicians at the time, and that's how we formed our connection. It turns out he lived in California too. We met up, and we became really good friends. Whenever we meet, it's like no time had passed and we just pick up right where we left off. Andy showed up for my birthday party this year. Usually my birthdays are depressing and isolating, but I had a wholesome one in 2024. Thank you everyone who was able to attend and show up for me during what is usually one of the hardest times in the year for me. As I had mentioned in a previous post, I quit social media. It...

Today I scheduled an appointment with a therapist. I also bought Pokemon Violet. I wish more people I knew had a Switch. I've recently been spending a lot of time on Discord with my good friend Dario. We've been watching Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood. It's day three of me quitting social media and 24 days sober. A lot of thought went into these decisions. Social media wasn't helping me connect with others the way I wanted it to anymore. I've been going on walks frequently and even went out and bought a gym membership. It's a rocky road but I'm sure things and myself will get better in time. I'm doing just fine. My relationships are improving and my brain is getting better.

Hello, to anyone who is reading this. I've decided to delete all my social media accounts. If I know you and you know about this page, a very special welcome to you. There are lots of cool things in store for melodicalchemy. I'm so excited.